OUR FEELINGS, OUR EMOTIONS

Client 1

Sometimes we know something is not right but cannot put our finger on it. Through doing sand-play therapy with Makiko I was able to look inside myself and find the source of my anguish. I had buried my feelings, but with Makiko’s guidance and using sand-play during my counselling I was able to face reality. Thank you, Makiko, for providing a peaceful and safe environment where I could begin to deal with my emotions.

Client 2

Often we are good at hiding our real emotions. Thinking and speaking can be superficial and may not get to the source of the problem. Sand-play therapy allowed me to connect with the ‘real me’ that was trying to deal with my emotions. The problem that my emotions had buried in my sub-conscience emerged through playing with the sand. In my busy life I had not stopped to address my emotions, but all the ‘blocks’ disappeared using sand-play during my counselling with Makiko.

We try to see the situation cognitively during counselling. So, a counsellor tries to help clients by listening. Sandplay therapy is the approach where the client puts their impressions onto the sand tray first, then shares with the therapist about what it means.
The use of the sand and the miniatures provides a symbolic way in which to express our feelings and view of our lives.

We often hide our emotions. Some people bury their emotions, then sometimes forget what has happened. It is our defence mechanism. Even if we don’t remember our experiences, they still in us and affects our life in many ways. Working with nature helps us to meet unspoken experiences.

Sandplay Therapy is not only for young children but also for all of us. It is an alternative effective way to deal with issues around us.

How do you deal with your sadness or pain, or feeling upset? People often say that time will solve the problems. Sharp feelings may fade away, but if you just put a lid on to that, the feeling is like “Jack in the box”. It jumps out if there is any trigger, or it feels like just holding on so not to burst.

Our society treats crying and anger as if it is bad behaviour. But it is Ok to express them in a respectful way. These are the emotions that we have naturally, and are the same as the other emotions. However, it is true that we need to consider how to express them.

We should not push them into the box, but it is helpful, and wise, to talk to someone or to write your emotions down. It makes you face yourself and it helps to sort out difficult emotions.

Have you told your family or a friend about your deep feelings? Unfortunately sometimes their words disappoint you, or even you may be hurt by their words. Why does this happen?

People around us give some advice from their kind heart. But what we need when we are in pain is someone that listens, and listens with empathy. We need to feel that we are being heard and understood.

Do you have anyone who is a good listener for you? Are you a good listener for your family and friends?

© 2009 Makiko Nakazawa

This book was published by ‘Inochi no kotoba sha’. It was given to me by my older sister more than 20 years ago. It had been left on the book shelf for a long time but I re-read it a few yeas ago. I’m sure when I read it before that it left some impression on me, as there were some marks on the pages. But at the time when I started to re-read it I didn’t remember much.

That time was hard for me as I was carrying painful emotions, so this title struck me. Ms Watanabe, the author of this book, had experienced obsessive-compulsive disorder. After she had those dark days she had strength to look into herself through counselling, and now she goes everywhere in Japan to talk about her experience.

“Emotional illness is an illness of a relationship. Love never cuts off a relationship. When I thought about what this means, I realised about my relationship with myself. When I had the pain in me, I cut off the relationship with myself and I couldn’t love myself. ” said Ms Watanabe. (page 101)

I could relate with this description. In another book, the author said that her husband said to her, “It is Ok that you be yourself.” I was wishing if I could be her and get approval from other people of who I was. When I look back, I was in the situation where I couldn’t love myself - I didn’t have confidence in myself, and I thought it was important how people valued me.

Probably there are many people who don’t know why they can’t love themselves, which means it is a very painful situation. It is often rooted in how you faced sadness, anger or fear. But also often people put the lid on unconsciously and forget about that real emotion.

Ms Watanabe said in the book that people get comfort and strength by meeting the person who is able to see someone’s heart in a non-judgemental manner. If you can love yourself (knowing yourself) you could have strength to make changes in you when you face the situation that you can’t accept. I believe that we can love ourselves – we all have an inner strength, but sometimes we have to step back and look into our heart for it.

© 2009 Makiko Nakazawa

Often people think grief is the emotional experience through someone’s death. Truth is grief is also the loss of an environment that was close, comfortable or important also creates grief. Or the loss that the result from unavoidable changes.

As many people think sadness fade day by day. There is the way how emotion traces to recover from sadness. Not everyone go through same way but most of them. It calls Grief curve.
It starts with shock, numbness - feel like big hole on the heart, blame, anger. Pain, while you experiencing these negative feeling. You don’t need to thing that something is wrong to feel such a way, or shouldn’t feel such a way.

You might ask yourself why such thought comes up and search in your experiences or relationship in the past.
In such a time, please be kind for yourself. It is Ok to be yourself. It is normal to experience such emotions in the time of grief.

One of my clients said after she told me her honest feelings “I can see that I will go up on this grief curve.” There is hope when you get the stage of acceptance.
Crying and talking help to accept the reality of loss.