Parent and child as friends
A mother and daughter have an open trusting relationship like sisters or best friends. A father and son have an adult relationship where they are able to talk as good mates. It’s a beautiful picture like a goal of parenting.
I said “goal” which means there is starting point. Is it only me seeing the goal of a relationship between parent and child while the child is still very young and so they should be at the starting point?
Who can be your friend, good friend, one of your best friends? Isn’t it people who have the same values in life, and who even may have a different view so you can have an open honest discussion?
When we start Pre-school or Day-care, we meet the friends who we get on well with and share many things with them. Somehow, often parents get on well when children became good friends. Does this mean the parents have similar values of parenting and family?
Now think about relationship between parent and child. Is it equal? I think it is authority and having a wholesome connection.
What is your view of discipline? Is it general understanding that discipline is just stopping or prohibiting the things child wants to do? Dr. Sal Severe says in his book “How to behave so your children will, too”（BANTAM BOOKS）discipline is not punishing them, but it teaches children to learn to make the right choices - choices that make sense in society and ourselves.
Discipline teaches children what is the boundary and what are the consequences if you cross the line. I heard the following story.
There was a very clever gold fish. He was bored staying in the little fish bowl. Through his eyes outside of the fish bowl looked so good, free and full of fun. So he put in the effort and jumped out from the fish bowl. But for fish without water it means death.
Glass (fish bowl) is the boundary which a child shouldn’t cross. Can you transfer this story to the importance of discipline and boundaries?
When parent gives in on one thing, the child pushes one more step, why? Children want to know where is the end of the safe area. Children who are brought up in the family where parents have clear boundaries are more settled and have the ability to challenge in new situations at school.
This is my understanding of feeling safe with a boundary. (you may not understand this explanation if you love swimming at the beach).
I can swim quite well in the swimming pool but I don’t like swimming at the beach. When I walk into the water, I feel Ok while I feel sand around my toes. But if it suddenly gets deeper, I feel like I have dropped into a big hole. I am scared of that feeling. Feeling sand, that is my boundary. I feel safe while feeling sand.
Work towards having a wholesome connection. So it would be wonderful to have a good friendship with your child when he/she turns 18.
© 2009 Makiko Nakazawa
I said “goal” which means there is starting point. Is it only me seeing the goal of a relationship between parent and child while the child is still very young and so they should be at the starting point?
Who can be your friend, good friend, one of your best friends? Isn’t it people who have the same values in life, and who even may have a different view so you can have an open honest discussion?
When we start Pre-school or Day-care, we meet the friends who we get on well with and share many things with them. Somehow, often parents get on well when children became good friends. Does this mean the parents have similar values of parenting and family?
Now think about relationship between parent and child. Is it equal? I think it is authority and having a wholesome connection.
What is your view of discipline? Is it general understanding that discipline is just stopping or prohibiting the things child wants to do? Dr. Sal Severe says in his book “How to behave so your children will, too”（BANTAM BOOKS）discipline is not punishing them, but it teaches children to learn to make the right choices - choices that make sense in society and ourselves.
Discipline teaches children what is the boundary and what are the consequences if you cross the line. I heard the following story.
There was a very clever gold fish. He was bored staying in the little fish bowl. Through his eyes outside of the fish bowl looked so good, free and full of fun. So he put in the effort and jumped out from the fish bowl. But for fish without water it means death.
Glass (fish bowl) is the boundary which a child shouldn’t cross. Can you transfer this story to the importance of discipline and boundaries?
When parent gives in on one thing, the child pushes one more step, why? Children want to know where is the end of the safe area. Children who are brought up in the family where parents have clear boundaries are more settled and have the ability to challenge in new situations at school.
This is my understanding of feeling safe with a boundary. (you may not understand this explanation if you love swimming at the beach).
I can swim quite well in the swimming pool but I don’t like swimming at the beach. When I walk into the water, I feel Ok while I feel sand around my toes. But if it suddenly gets deeper, I feel like I have dropped into a big hole. I am scared of that feeling. Feeling sand, that is my boundary. I feel safe while feeling sand.
Work towards having a wholesome connection. So it would be wonderful to have a good friendship with your child when he/she turns 18.
© 2009 Makiko Nakazawa
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- 2009-04-19 18:12:55